Category Archives: Blogs

Preventing Pastoral Burnout

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I was recently honored and invited to speak to a group of leaders who serve providing care for the credentialed ministers in their Ministry Network. Specifically, they are called upon to build relationships and help those serving as lead or staff pastor in their Network churches be spiritually, relationally, and emotionally healthy. No small task in any given year; in our new COVID-19 world that has taken on an all new level of complexity.

I was asked to provide some guidance on how to offer care. I jokingly said that if I was blessed with gifts of Rick Warren I’d try to work my notes into an acronym. I was told that District Superintendent particularly enjoys alliteration. So, with some help from my wife, we came up with some simple “P’s” of Preventing Pastoral Burnout.

You Asked For It

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In the You Asked for It Podcast, we answer questions you have always wanted to ask. Now, we might not have all the answers, but we’re willing to have the conversation. That’s right. Instead of just talking at you, we want to have a conversation with you. We’re looking forward to spending a little time together each week because we believe as we change the way we talk about life, family, work, and church, we can change the way we approach these profoundly important areas of our lives.

Join hosts Dr. Jason Karampatsos and Cameron Rebarchek each week for a new episode or join the conversation at askthe.church.

Available on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

‎You Asked for It on Apple Podcasts

4 More Years

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Today is December 1st, and in our home that is a pretty significant day.

12 years ago today we welcome our 2nd child, Hailey into the world and the world has never been the same. Birthdays are a big deal in our home, which means we have lots of great December 1st memories. Times Square in NYC, Magnificent Mile in Chicago, the Great Wolf Lodge in Williamsburg, VA, and so many more.

December 1st was also the day I defended my dissertation just down the street from where Hailey was born. Eight years ago today I became “Dr J” and God has used my PhD from Loyola University in some truly humbling ways.

December 1st was also my first day as lead pastor of New Life Assembly of God. Four years ago today our family began a new chapter as I walked into my office for the first time. It has been four years of relying upon God each and every day, and each day He has been faithful.

Yet, despite how significant December 1st has been, I am kind of excited about December 2nd. You see, in all of my years of ministry, or working anywhere for that matter, I have never  been at one place for more than four years. In high school I worked at Market Basket until my 4th anniversary, I then worked for Saturn until Jennifer and I went off to Bible College two years later. Four years at Valley Forge meant four years working for the college and at Sears. After one year at a church in Philadelphia, we had four amazing years in East Brunswick, NJ before heading off to graduate school. We served four years on staff in Annapolis, MD before being voted in as the new lead pastors in Brandywine, MD.

We loved everyday of our time serving in Brandywine, but yet God unexpectedly called us to Bowie where we spent two short but eternally impactful years at Cornerstone Church. And then, in December 1, 2015 I walked into my office for the first time at New Life.

Tomorrow, when I walk into my office, it will be the first time I have every walked into my office after serving there (or anywhere) for four years.

So, I am excited for December 2nd, but I am already looking forward to December 1, 2020. Lord willing, we’ll be serving this great church and community December 1, 2040 and beyond. Each year at this time as we sing happy birthday and watch our amazing daughter grow up, inside I am also saying happy anniversary…and here’s to many more.

What Will It Cost You

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We all face challenges in life. We all have barriers or walls that stand in the way of us getting from where we are to where we want to be. Jim and Elisabeth Elliot were one of five couples who responded to God’s call to evangelize the Huaorani people of Ecuador, and one of the walls they faced was a language barrier and the fact that no one had successfully made contact with the Huaorani people and lived to tell about it. They went in to the jungle knowing that they may not come out alive, but, as Jim Elliot so famously penned, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” Jim, along with the four other missionary men, gave their lives January 8, 1956 at the hands of the very tribe that had come to share the Gospel with. Continue reading →

Lost My Sucker

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I’ve been traveling a bit more than usual as of late. Over the years I have done my fair share of traveling for vacations, mission’s trips and various speaking engagements, but in the past two weeks I have flown in or out of Chicago, Miami, Panama, Bolivia, Milwaukee, and Los Angeles. It was my most recent flight for a conference in southern California that provided an unexpected interaction that will not soon be forgotten. Continue reading →

The Insanity of God

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I will be forever grateful for a few things from this year’s 21-day fast. First of all, I will never forget the way my church embraced God’s calling to come together and fast. Men and women, boys and girls, of all ages, all walks of life, took a step of faith from their comfort zones and decided to fast from something in order to fast for something. I have heard stories of marriages reconciled, bodies healed, financial miracles, and deep and profound steps deeper in one’s faith and trust in God. There is truly something powerful that happens when we decrease the distractions and increase our time with God. Having a unified church family that was walking through this corporate journey in their own individual and personal way was beautiful and humbling to watch. Our church family will truly never be the same again. Continue reading →

The Difficulties of Unplugging on Vacation

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It was well over a year ago that I first read the personnel manual of the church that had elected me to be their new lead pastor. It was not the first church that I had been called by God to lead, but it was the first that had gone out of their way to articulate such a generous vacation offer for their pastoral staff. All pastors, not just the lead pastor, would be given a tiered number of weeks off based upon their number of years in full time ministry to the Kingdom of God. My wife and I have been called to serve churches in Philadelphia, Central New Jersey, and for the past decade, three churches in the Baltimore-DC corridor, and with each new church that God had led us to the clock would reset as we would start over at day one. This was the first church that we walked into where we had already accumulated some vacation time to spare. Continue reading →

What is your favorite season?

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What is your favorite season? What do you like best about it? Now let me ask you what season you look forward to the least? Why?

We all have our reasons for preferring one season over another, just as we may have our reasons for disliking aspects of one or more season. I have a favorite season much like most others, and there are some things that come along with some seasons that I don’t particularly enjoy. The one thing, though, that all four seasons share in common is that they were created by God. God doesn’t make mistakes, so each season has a purpose. Continue reading →

Two Questions

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There are only two questions you need to ask yourself; are you happy or are you unhappy?

If you are happy, then you have nothing to worry about.

If you are unhappy, there are two simple questions you need to ask yourself; will you be happy or will you stay unhappy?

If you’ll be happy, then you have nothing to worry about.

If you’ll still be unhappy, there are two simple questions you need to ask yourself; are you healthy or sick?

If you are healthy, then you have nothing to worry about.

If you are sick, there are two simple questions you need to ask yourself; will you get better or not?

If you’ll get better, then you have nothing to worry about

If not, then you have two simple questions you need to ask yourself; will you live or die?

If you’ll live, then you have nothing to worry about.

If you’ll die, you have two simple questions you need to ask yourself; will you go to heaven or will you go to hell?

If you’ll go to heaven, then you have nothing to worry about…

 

It sorts of puts it all into perspective, doesn’t it? There are a lot of things to worry about in life, but only a few things that truly matter. Continue reading →

Did not understand

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Quick thought for today. When Jesus fed the 5,000 in Mark 6, the disciples had a front row seat. They saw some pretty amazing things in their day, and this had to be atop the list. Problem is, they didn’t get it. They did not understand what was going on. From their limited perspective they could not see or comprehend who Jesus truly was (at least not yet) and it effected their hearts.

A few verses later we see Jesus walking on the lake–perhaps a new “top of the list” miracle for them to not understand. Scripture records that they were completely amazed (6:51), but pay careful attention to what they very next verse reveals. “..[T]hey had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened. (6:52, NIV)” The lack of understanding impacts our hearts.

We need to constantly guard our hearts, and sometime what we need to guard them most from is our own lack of understanding. A bigger and more accurate perspective can be a great way to do some heart surgery. So try listening more, seeing things from your spouse’s perspective, and realizing that there may be more to what you see than what your perceptions are telling you.

Footprints in the Snow

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Last night I had a dream. I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the snow: one belonged to me, the other to the Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the snow. I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.  “Lord, you said once I decided to follow you, You’d walk with me all the way. But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

The Lord replied, “My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of suffering, when you could see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.” Continue reading →

What do you need to change in the new year?

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Happy New Year. As the Christmas season settles down we quickly turn our attention to the end of the year “best of” lists and begin thinking about what the new year holds. As one year gives way to the next it is all too easy to make simple comparisons and even begin to become anxious about the changes that may come with the new year.

We can even become nostalgic longing for the better days we remember from our past. Although the hope contained in the promise of a new year can, for some, contain limitless possibilities, yesterday had some comforts that tomorrow just can’t hold a candle to. Continue reading →

I believe Jesus can…turn your world upside down to put things in place.

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The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Although that may hold true for two-dimensional objects, life has taught many of us that you can’t always get where you are going by following a straight line. As we look through the stories in the Bible we find that very rarely do any of the stories in both the Old and New Testament include any straight lines. Sometimes the detours and chaos that ensue are due to sin, disobedience, or the lack of faith—think the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for 40 years for a trip they should have been able to complete in under 40 days— and sometimes there seems to be no easy explanation on why things had to turn out the way that they did. Continue reading →

A Low View of Marriage

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O be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above
Is looking down in love
So, be careful little eyes what you see

Many of us remember that believed children’s song that we possibly sang at Vacation Bible School or in Children’s Church growing up. The song goes on to encourage us to be careful what you hear, what your hands do, where your feet go, and so on. It would appear that all too many have not heeded that simple melodic warning. Continue reading →

Pray, and get help

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Experts are predicting as many as 400 pastors, deacons, elders and church staff members may resign this Sunday as part of the fallout from the recent Ashley Madison hack. In his article for Christianity Today, Ed Stetzer gives some advice for those churches affected. His most helpful comments come in the last two sentences…PRAY.

Continue reading →

Didn’t See Him

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Most of us have a routine in the morning, mine begins with waking up at 5:30, spending time with God, and ends with me grabbing a dress shirt on my way out the door around 8:15. There are a lot of variables in between the alarm clock and me reaching for my car keys, the biggest of which is when our three kids decide to wake up. Continue reading →

To Shoot Par

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What does “to shoot par” mean for you? I learned this weekend that it all depends on who you spend time with. I enjoy the game of golf and I have strengthened many of friendships on the links. I initially took up the game of golf while in high school as something I could do with my future wife (and then girlfriend), and has become a hobby of mine long after my wife’s interest in the game has faded. Continue reading →

Another June 3rd

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Today I got to update my about page:

There have been many who have asked, drugs and even a few incorrect attempts at guessing what June3rd means, written about over the years. It was never meant to be a mystery or any secret code, but since you inquired I will set the record straight. June 3rd, 1995 was the day my best friend became my wife. When I was looking for a domain to purchase back in the late 90’s it seemed like a good idea to purchase a website domain that also had the built in benefit of a daily reminder of my anniversary. 20 years later I have never forgotten our anniversary, and now neither will you. Continue reading →

Thank You

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On a recent family visit to Arlington National Cemetery we went inside one of the visitor centers where we found a guest book to sign. This was not simply a guest register like found at several park trails, for sale but a book to share your appreciation for those who have fought and served and paid the ultimate price for our freedom. We could not keep our girls from writing something, help nor did we try. They have aunts, uncles, and a grandfather who have served and have learned to appreciate their sacrifices. So today, this Memorial Day, on behalf of my children who have benefited so much from those who have given so much, we say Thank You. Continue reading →

Rule Over Us

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The Israelites said to Gideon, “Rule over us–you, your son and your grandson–because you have saved us from the hand of Midian.” But Gideon told them, “I will not rule over you, nor will my son rule over you. The LORD will rule over you.” (Judges 8:22-23, NIV)

You have to respect the heart of a man like Gideon who could have been made king, but realized that there was already one King who sat upon the throne that the Israelites needed to acknowledge with their hearts. It is easy to fall for the words and praise of those around us, but we would do wise to remember that there is already one King and His throne is not to be shared. Continue reading →

CAUTION, What you can’t see may hurt you

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Family vacations are great. I have met people who dread family vacations as they go on about the driving, the lines for the attractions, and being cramped with the family for an extended period of time. For me, the driving time is just quality time, and we get along remarkably well as a family and genuinely enjoy being together regardless of how much space we have. As far as those lines are concerned, we don’t like them either and intentionally travel at times where we can anticipate shorter lines. Continue reading →

The Elephant in the Marriage

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One year ago, almost to the day, I penned my first word in what would become my first completed manuscript. I only shared this project with a few close friends as I was starting out, and each and every one of them has asked the same question that I have heard from almost everyone else when they learn that I have written a manuscript, “What is the book called?” Well, for the past year it has had a place-holder name that is a variation of my dissertation title, but as of February 24, 2015 the book formally known as The Marriage between Perception and Reality has a new name:

The Elephant in the Marriage: Discover what is trampling your marital satisfaction and how to enjoy a thriving marriage. Continue reading →

Do You See What I See?

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“Do you see what I see?” Isn’t it amazing how often we can be standing right next to someone, looking in the same direction, and see the same thing so differently. Henry David Thoreau​ famously quipped, “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

We can be absolutely convinced that we know what we are looking at, but unaware of just how little we see. If there is a point of friction between you and a friend or a loved one, try looking at the issue from their perspective and be open to seeing what they see. You just might be surprised and strengthen a relationship in the process. Continue reading →

I Cannot Do It

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“I cannot do it,” Joseph replied to Pharaoh, “but God will give Pharaoh the answer he desires.” Genesis 41:16 (NIV)

Many of us reading this are familiar with the story of Joseph being called before Pharaoh to interpret his dream. It is a great story that teaches (and preaches) on so many different levels. Today I would like us to zero in on Joseph’s humble and accurate reply to Pharaoh when he was asked to interpret his dream; Joseph simply said, “I cannot do it.”. The NKJV translates it, “It is not in me.”. So many of us don’t like admitting that we can’t or are unable to do something. Perhaps for fear of what others might think of us, or what we might think of ourselves. We go on through life pretending to others that we can do it and at times we even succeed in convincing ourselves that we can do it. The honest truth is that we cannot, at least not without God. Continue reading →

Metrics of a Healthy Church?

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In the January “Called to Serve” ministers letter L. Alton Garrison shared some interesting findings that I thought I would share here today:

Recently, Dr. Michael Clarensau has completed an intensive study of a decades’ worth of ACMRs to determine what metrics might help you determine the health of your church. Based on his research, he proposes five metrics:

First, missional effectiveness. The metric compares Sunday morning worship attendance (A) with the number of conversions or salvation decisions (C), measuring how many attendees it takes to produce a convert (the AC ratio). A healthy church will have a low AC ratio of attendees to converts each year. Dr. Clarensau estimates that the AC ratio should be 5:1 or lower. Continue reading →

Is Tried

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Nobody is perfect. You and I both have heard that before, but some of us really struggle with wondering if our “good enough” is good enough. Those nagging doubts infect our relationship with our spouse, our children, our job, and even with God. The Bible helps us out on that last one and lets us know that “…all our righteous acts are like filthy rags…” (see Isaiah 64:6). So, no, you are not good enough, but that doesn’t stop God from loving you and choosing to use you and desiring a relationship with you. Continue reading →

Fasting the iPad

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Yesterday our church kicked off our annual 21 days of a corporate fast. Our 7 year old daughter shared with us yesterday that she is praying about fasting from the iPad that our three kids received for Christmas from a close family friend. Our 5 year old son didn’t miss a beat when he added that you can also “fast-forward” on the iPad and made the hand gesture of how you can fast-forward a video. Just goes to show you that even at a young age we are all susceptible to miscommunication. Continue reading →

The Institution of Marriage

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Recently, a good friend shared an article that  was published in the New York edition of the New York Times that was later reposted online and appears on the New York Time’s website (tinyurl.com/nsyb3gk). The article is titled “The Divorce Surge Is Over, but the Myth Lives On” and  discusses how, despite the drop in the divorce rate, the media and public at large continues to throw around the “50% of all marriages end in divorce” statistic. This led to a discussion of just how tricky statistic can be and how difficult it can be to overcome held assumptions (aka perceptions). In my doctoral dissertation I wrote about marriage and divorce in America and thought I would share some of that here today. Continue reading →

Shoot for the Moon

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One of my personal favorite quotations from C.S. Lewis is, “Aim at Heaven and you will get Earth ‘thrown in’: aim at Earth and you will get neither.” I love this quote because there is so much packed into it, as it is true on so many levels from so many different perspectives. This is what I would like us to zero in on at this point: What you are aiming for matters. If we set our goals low, too low, we will never get off the ground. Set your goals ridiculously high, and you just might do some amazing things en route to your goal. With my apologies to C.S. Lewis, I have often paraphrased his quote by saying, “Shoot for the moon; that way you will at least clear the fence.” Continue reading →

Never Run Alone

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Today my wife logged in her 3, tadalafil 001st mile since she started running just 3 ½ years ago. I couldn’t be any more proud of her. Sure she has a wall of bibs, medals, and a closet full of race shirts and jackets, but it is her steady persistence that has encouraged me so much over the past few years. Greg Henderson, former pro bicyclist, famously once said; “Training is like fighting with a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired. You stop when the gorilla is tired.” Continue reading →

Catching the Wrong Train

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Yesterday I had the chance to once again travel into Washington DC to participate in the Potomac Ministry Network’s NEXT. This time around John May and Mark Batterson had invited Darren Hileman to join them in challenging young leaders take the “NEXT step in their life and ministry”. As has been the case over the past few years, I feverishly took notes in my Moleskine I received as a gift during my first two-day NEXT and I coordinated with a close friend to meet me at Union Station early in the morning to debrief on life and ministry. Continue reading →

All I Want for Christmas

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Say what you mean, and mean what you say. I say it over and over again in working with couples struggling to connect. One of the challenges that they need to overcome is this innate tendency to not truly say what they mean and to not mean what they say. Think about it. Today is sandwiched in between Black Friday and Cyber Monday (no disrespect meant to Small Business Saturday), pilule and the Christmas shopping season is officially in high gear, but there will still be someone out there who will tell their spouse, “Oh, you do not need to buy me anything for Christmas this year.” They will say it, but they will be lying through their teeth.

 

Lying may be a strong word, but it is the best way to describe it. Truth be told, the person they are lying to most is themselves. Perhaps they fear being disappointed, they feel that if they do not ask for anything then they will not be disappointed when the 25th of December rolls around and there are no packages with their name on it from that special loved one. Continue reading →

It all starts with perspective

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Our perspectives are the objective, rational observations of objects or events. Our perspectives are the literal point of view from where we are standing. Our perceptions are the subjective interpretation of those observations. Our perspectives inform our perceptions and it is our perceptions that focus on emotionally connecting the dots of what we saw and subjectively formulating what it means to us. If our perspective is not providing us with correct or helpful information, then naturally our perception will be biased and impaired. Continue reading →

lifetime of miracles behind us

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“Sometimes we are so busy complaining about what hasn’t happened, story ignoring the lifetime of miracles behind us.” –Steve Kramer (missionary)

It is always challenging to hear someone who the world would say has every reason to complain reminding you that you have every reason to be grateful. Steve was born a few months premature and with Cerebral Palsy, buy but anyone who spends any amount of time with him walks away encouraged and challenged. Encouraged, because Steve’s love, joy, and laughter are contagious. Challenged, because Steve’s unique perspective helps him to see the heart of God in a way that all too many take for granted. Continue reading →

The Struggle

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Last night my wife and I spent the evening with Tenth Avenue North (courtesy of some complimentary tickets from our friends over @ WRBS 95.1). Although we truly enjoy their music, we are not sure that we have it in us to travel two hours in traffic and stay out late for concerts anymore. Our age and my writer’s schedule of waking up at 5:30 on my “day off” and Jennifer’s runner’s routine of running a 5K before breakfast began to show when the crowd was calling Tenth Avenue North back on stage for an encore and we were both thinking how each song pushed our bedtime closer to midnight. Continue reading →

Paul Young

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What a blessing to have Wm. Paul Young with us for the weekend. If you haven’t heard his amazing story that he shared Saturday night, I highly recommend you make time to listen to it. . I was talking to him outside my office Sunday morning and commented that if he started writing non-fiction he’d be a New York Time’s Best Seller!

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